Bettty was lying quite happily yesterday she’d had her medication and got her new MacBook which is amazing by the way ( Betty’s oldest son sat and stroked it for a good few hours.)

All of the Betty’s were quite happy chilling when google Betty decided to go onto Facebook. Now we try not too go on it too much but we’ve just joined a stoner page and it’s hilarious. So stoner Betty who likes a good laugh and google Betty who just loves to google found themselves on Facebook. 

As you should now be aware, (or if you’re anything like Betty whom it took 50 years to click on) Betty has multiple personalities.

They’re  all called Betty so it’s quite difficult getting to know them individually so we’ve given them different surnames. 

there’s Anxiety Betty who’s really good at her job but she’s on holiday. 

There’s Bipolar Betty who’s busy writing a book with I’m writing a book Betty .. she’s changed her name so many times it’s hard to keep track. 

There’s 2 year old Betty who loves to play for hours with her grandkids but forgets she’s has a 50 year old body.She needs covering in suntan lotion when we’re out because she burns very easily. 

50 year old Betty’s skin is so old and weathered now it doesn’t burn at all. 

There’s a baby Betty who looks like that Voldermort thingy under the seat on platform 9 3/4 in Harry Potter. She’s a pain in the arse and we have to keep feeding her when she cries. Luckily she’s not on 4 hourly feeds. 

We’ve probably missed a load of Betty’s out, but we’re only just learning to recognise them for who they are. 

Last night we were introduced to pissed off Betty (or as she prefers to be called (Fucking Furious Betty)

We’re not quite sure how old she is but she’s under the age of 9 and over the age of 2… we are working to find out, and boy Is this Betty Angry. 

Do not read on if talking about child abuse offends you, because it isn’t easy to hear sometimes, and society does not like to talk about it, but it actually does happen and the perpetrators are usually the nicest people you know. 

Fucking Furious Betty was fucking furious when she went onto Facebook with those tools, Stoner Betty and google Betty. She had already saw his horrible face the day before when he liked a mental health awareness status she put on. 

Hang on a minute said Fucking Furious Betty. You are actually liking the fact that I have mental health problems you wassik ? , (is that even used anymore,)

For all of you non geordies a wassick is a knob job, tosser, cockwomble depending on which part of the world you come from.

You are one of the fucking reasons we are in the middle of a mental health crisis, and YOU LIKED IT ? !!

Anyway Fucking Furious Betty disappeared because we forgot all about it. 

Why oh why do we go on Facebook? 

Sitting quite happily scrolling through our Facebook feed last night when the fuckwomble changed his profile picture to a photo of himself at the age he was when he abused her over 40 years ago. 

Fucking Furious Betty jumped up. We all felt sick Anxiety Betty came straight back from her holiday to stoner land.

‘Hang on a minute says  Betty who’s aware of our surroundings, she’s not often around so we do take notice of her when she is. We sat down and went back to the picture forcing ourselves to look at it again, only to see that our mother (we use the term loosely) liked it .. 

Now seeing as he’s her brother you could probably be thinking ah yeah of course she’s going to like a photo of her baby brother. Only clever Betty remembers that her mother hadn’t liked or commented on anything on Facebook for around 4 months .. Betty knows this because her mother told her, and although Betty’s Mam knows that Betty is having a mental health crisis, she couldn’t even like a post that Betty herself shared about the struggle. 

But here we are, the photo of her daughters abuser at the age he abused her. And Betty’s Mam aware of the abuse, likes it. 

Well Betty doesn’t so she deletes them off Facebook altogether. 

Betty does not want revenge but if they keep poking Fucking Fuming Betty with a stick they’ll wish they hadn’t. 

Betty loves worms and she’s ready to open that can if need be. 


Author: thejointatthetopofthegarden

Hi, my name is Betty Boop (names may have been changed to avoid prosecution . I’m a 50 year grandmother of 4 little beauties and I’m a bit nuts.

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