When I first stared writing my book I was suicidal. I had a huge mental health crisis and was very close to taking my own life. At the time I didn’t know why I was feeling like this, but as the words started to grow, my life started to make some sense. I sought help by ringing everybody I could think of to stop me from ending my life, from the crisis team to the Samaritans, basically anybody who would listen to me. As I began talking to these people, i knew deep down that I didn’t want to die, I was just so tired of not knowing who I was. I have spent 50 years on this earth not knowing who I was.
After finishing my book in around 4 weeks, 70,000 words long, I realised that I had finished writing my suicide note, and now it was time to live.
I am so proud of the person I was for 50 years ..she’s done an amazing job with all the shit she’s had to put up with. I am even prouder of the person I will be for the next 50, I am an inspiration to myself ..
To be sitting here with Autism, Bipolar, Multiple Personality Disorder and to have had 3 amazing children and 4 beautiful grandchildren I am so blessed.
But it hasn’t been an easy road.
My manuscript is almost ready, I am hoping to publish it soon. I think I may be hanging on to it too tightly as it is one of the most personal books to write. Your own autobiography.. trouble is nobody would believe it ever was. ..