I have never understood why people call depression ‘the black dog.’ I like dogs, so it doesn’t quite sum up the complete unhappiness, worthlessness and despair of this disorder.
For me depression is exactly like the dementors from the Harry Potter stories. Jk Rowling hit the nail right on the head with the description of her dementors.
It is obvious to me by Rowlings descriptive writing style, that she has suffered from depression in the past.
Dementors are dark creatures that consume human happiness, creating an ambience of coldness, darkness, misery and despair.
Because of their power to drain happiness and hope from humans, they have been set with the task of being guards to your mind, and to prevent you from having the will, or ability to escape from it.
Your mind is being imprisoned by these ‘dementors’.
I have suffered from severe depression and anxiety for 50 years.
3 months ago I almost ended my own life because I just could not get free from these ‘dementors’.
These ‘Dementors’ symbolise my thoughts.
Thoughts only exist in as much as you allow them to exist. Thoughts are not real, they are simply ideas and beliefs from experiences that have shaped who you are.
They are not cold hard facts.
What you choose to do with those thoughts is your choice, and your choice alone. You can actually act on these thoughts of sadness and despair, or you can simply watch them float by on a river, if they are important they will keep on floating by, until you do notice them.
Any other thoughts that are counterproductive to enhancing your life, are just flotsam in the river.
Three months ago in desperation I started to look at myself properly for the first time, and began to see that I was being controlled by my own thoughts and feelings.
I was totally consumed and overwhelmed.
Knowing I had to do something pretty quickly, I began to write my thoughts down, and I became more self aware as the days went by.
writing down my thoughts seemed to release them in to the universe, and left me free to start living.
Sharing my thoughts then became a passion.
My story could one day be a a survival guide for somebody else going through a similar life story.
I started meditating, and that is when my life led me on a completely different path.
The happiness path.
I cannot over emphasise the need for meditation as a therapy for your mental health.
It is like plugging yourself into the main power socket of the world.
I feel so much more energised, and at peace with myself, that even I find it difficult to believe the path I was on three months ago.
Meditating isn’t easy. The process itself is easy enough, but it takes work and practice.
Most people want that happiness but don’t know where to look.
That is because they are looking in all of the wrong places. happiness has to come from within.
I had waited around patiently for 50 years looking for happiness in all of the wrong places.
What I began to realise was, that it had been with me all along. I was the key to my own happiness. There is no magic pill out there that will cure depression. Yes antidepressants and anxiety medications treat the symptoms, and I would never advocate someone stopping their medication without consulting their Care provider.
I have been on the maximum amount of antidepressants for years, and I would not stop my medication without medical supervision.
If you take meditating seriously, and make it one of your daily routines it does become easier, and over time becomes a habit . Take brushing your teeth for instance. I bet you do that without even thinking about it now. That is because it already has its ‘slot’ in your daily routine.
Everybody is aware that if you don’t brush your teeth you will get tooth decay.
But what happens if you don’t ‘brush’ your brain ?
What if you didn’t replace or recharge the battery in your electric toothbrush ? It wouldn’t work would it, over time it gradually loses charge until it gives up.
Our brain is exactly the same, it is working constantly, even whilst sleeping. but what if your sleep patterns don’t allow your brain to recharge properly ?
Having depression and anxiety often includes problems sleeping, causing our brains to never reach fully charged.
Meditation is a way to fully charge your brain with energy. try it What have you got to lose ?
I know what I have ‘lost’ by making available slots in my day for meditation.
By regularly taking time out to charge my brain via meditation, I have learned to challenge my thought and my beliefs.
I’m not saying I don’t feel off somedays, moods are changeable, due to the fact that we are only human after all, but once I have plugged my brain back into the universe for 10 minutes I am back to good vibrations.
Self belief is so very important to a persons wellbeing. If we believe ourselves to be depressed anxious, scared individuals, we will manifest this into our lives.
Believing that this is what we are, feels the easiest of options whilst dragging the black dog around with a smile.
We can sit there miserable and think well that’s life, it’s all in the genes etc etc woe me, acceptance, but at a cost.
I have had 50 years of accepting and living with anxiety and depression, and it is exhausting.
Why did someone not tell me about meditation 50 years ago ?
Challenge your beliefs or thoughts about yourself.
I worked in challenging some of the false beliefs I held about myself.
One belief I tackled was that I couldn’t draw.
I can’t remember ever drawing as a child. the odd times I have tried over the years it has been met with the response ‘and what is that supposed to be ?’
I worked on letting go of that belief, and low and behold I am now a prolific artist, my paintings may never hang in the Tait gallery, but I have had lots of positive feedback, so watch this space.
Because I challenged that false belief, I have found a new passion for art.
3 months ago my ONLY passion was to end my life.
The healing power of Sunlight…
Sunlight plays a very important role in healing.
If the sun is shining everything always feels better. If you are as ‘lucky’ enough as me to live in the UK, there isn’t much of that going spare.
The Uk has on average around 5 days per year where the sun shines, on the other 360 days it is either raining or snowing.
Before any weather men decide to contradict my statement, they may want to try living where I live, my village has a climate all of its own.
I decided to purchase a UV lamp.
It isn’t exactly the same as the suns rays, but it does comes pretty close. I do my meditation under this lamp if the sun is not shining. The healing I have received from the suns rays has allowed me to bloom like a flower.
Most people who suffer from depression need more sunlight than those who don’t. Have you ever noticed how bad your depression can get in the winter ? That is because there isn’t enough sunlight to help you grow.
Try to spend as much time as you can in sunlight, invest in a therapy UV lamp. They are only around £40, and it is money well spent in my opinion.
So there we have it, the basic recipe to conquer depression and anxiety .
You just need to mix together all of your ingredients every day, believe in yourself, and keep on keeping on.
If you would like any further information about my journey to happiness, please feel free to message me.
Love Betty
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