HOW IMPORTANT IS ‘LOVE’ WHEN YOU BECOME A PARENT ?

I thought all parents knew this ?

Is it not a given that this is what parents should be like ?

Because I love my children much more than I will ever love myself, I assumed that this is what most parents feel. 

It is no wonder that I have lived such a difficult life. Very recently I realised that my parents are not the loving kind people that they have led me to believe they are, and who I have been desperately wanting to believe are just that, for nearly all of my life. 

I am a child of not one, but two narcissistic parents. My parents are actually detrimental to my mental health. Because I keep expecting them to help when my mental health and my life is in jeopardy, and because they never are, I find I am only let down, time and time and again. 

My younger sibling took his own life 20 years ago.

after the outpouring of grief and guilt that they said they felt after his suicide, when faced with their 50 year old daughter who has never asked them for help before, finally asks …and..

They are nowhere to be seen..

3 months ago my mental health took a turn for the worse. I was so low that I almost took my own life. I told my parents that I was suicidal, and I haven’t clapped eyes on either of them since. 

Three whole months and they don’t live far. 

Who is are the people that you should always be able to turn to in times of need ? to rely on, to love you unconditionally …

luckily I have a wonderful relationship with my own children, I became a Good Mother, despite my parents input….

My parental guide book only contained the words, do not under any circumstances turn out like your mother… after that it was easy… love doesn’t have to be hard.

since my crisis my children have been amazing, they know I love them unconditionally, they turn to me when they run into any kind of trouble. and this is how it should always be, we all get mad and shout, but even that, if coming from a loving and caring place, will never be enough for your children to hate you. Being a loving and kind parent doesn’t always mean your child getting their own way all of the time.

It is a case of firm but fair love. The kind of loving and caring that comes from knowing that as a parent, you are raising the next generation, and they need the skills that we teach as parents, to be able to join in and explore the world for themselves one day, as fully rounded healthy human beings.

Do not let the mistakes you make as a parent be paid for by your own children, for the rest of their lives…

Children with narcissistic parents do not fair well. It leaves them unable to know what love is? They will often confuse sex with love, and the teenage years can be really tough.

This leads to even more problems and on it goes. 

I have had severe problems with relationships over the years, because of the lack of loving and kind parents, I am unable to form loving lasting relationships, I was never taught how.

Make sure your children always know what love is. It has taken me so long to finally break free from my parents, and the thought of my children ever thinking like that about me would break my heart. 

I want my children to tell me if they are ever suicidal, and then I would do everything in my power to help them. 

I have never been allowed to broach my mental health issues with my parents, they don’t really want to know, because then they may have to take some responsibility, and neither of them are capable of that.

But suicide is real, the amount of teenagers taking their own lives is appalling, and numbers are rising rapidly, 

Our children are trying to tell us something, we just need to be able to hear what they are saying.

Always take time to actually listen to your children, children can be very insightful, never assume that what they have to say is unimportant. One day it could be ‘that’ day when you wished you had listened. 

Don’t be a selfish parent …

Lets bring up a new generation of loving and kind human beings, we owe it to the world. 

Good luck with your full time, unpaid, exhausting, joyful, exasperating and never ending wonderful job that is child rearing. You never know, you may be raising the next prime minister. 

Love Betty x