Winter Wonderings, Should Narcissistic People Have Children ?

a small stream prettily frozen over..

Winter is finally here, in the small village on the outskirts of Newcastle, where I live with my teenage son, and our two dogs Maggie and kizzy.

Every morning I walk my dogs along a country lane beside my home. 

Today was no different, apart from the fact that there had been a really hard frost through the night. 

Therefore I was able to take some wonderful shots of the natural beauty, on a cold and frosty morning. 

My mind wandered as it is want to do, to my daughter Danielle who is also a single parent to two wonderful little boys Ollie and Jaxon. 

Danielle has been struggling recently because of the narcissistic personality of her children’s father, and other selfish family members, who are not pulling their weight in the child rearing department. 

It takes a village to raise a child, so how come it’s ok to leave one person struggle to do it alone ? 

My grandchildren’s father has decided that he didn’t really want to be a father any more, and spends all of his spare time thinking of ways to make this a reality. 

He spends an inordinate amount of time googling ‘ways to avoid paying child support’ for the two children that he brought into the world, and the rest of his time finding excuses as to why he can’t see them.

Two beautiful little boys who are without a father figure in their life, all because their father is narcissistic.

If you knew how selfish your partner was before you had children with them, would you still do it ? 

Selfishness has come to play a huge part in society to the point that it is now seen as acceptable. 

Then you have the Narcissistic parents, who also decided that parenting wasn’t really for them, but they still continued with the farce, doing whatever makes them happy, at the expense of their own children’s happiness. 

Unfortunately Narcissistic people are producing damaged children the whole world over. Costing the tax payers millions in child support, alimony, and supplementing the finances that the narcissistic individual thinks they shouldn’t have to pay. and shirking the responsibilities that they no longer have time for.

Stretching the national health service to bursting point with the rise in mental health issues in children alone, not including the children who are still trying to heal well into adulthood, from having survived Narcissistic parenting skills.

So should Narcissistic people have children ?

Absolutely Not….

If you cannot love anybody more than yourself, parenting is not for you. Stay childless for everybody’s sake, especially the children’s.

Save a life today, do not procreate selfishly love Betty x

Life Really Does Begin At 50

I turned the grand old age of 50 in March this year. Thats half a century that I have been me.

The age of 50 didn’t get off to a very good start, and like most ages I have been, this one seemed no different. 

Same old shite, just a new year to deal with it. 

Little did I know what was to come. 

After burying trauma for over 40 years, the lid finally blew off. 

Spectacularly.

as if by magic, Maggie the springer spaniel gifted me the perfect image for this blog…

The shit finally hit the fan, and everybody ended up covered in it.

The Narcissistic parents were covered in it, the abusive family members got covered in it, and even the people who were never meant to get covered in it, also got covered in it. 

the culprit…

Because the nasty shit that had been poisoning me for over 40 years was back in its rightful place, with its owners, I am now as free as a bird. I am no longer carrying around a huge amount of poisoned shit, which leaves me free to live the life that I should have always had. 

A life free from the shit that abuse, guilt, and trauma can leave on a person indefinitely, especially if they aren’t aware that they are carrying it. 

Thankfully my eyes finally opened at the age of 50 and 3/4, after a near brush with death, ‘better late than never’ as my old grandad used to say.

My life truly has begun at the age of 50. I am so excited by my next path on this journey that we call life. 

You Can lead a Dog To Water but You Can’t Make it Drink

There’s an old saying that goes ‘You Can Lead a Horse to Water but you can’t make it drink.’

This has rang true throughout my week, so today I put it to the test. 

I don’t have a horse but I do have a dog. I led my dog to the water but I could not for the life of me, make her drink it

Yesterday my teenage son was feeling unwell, Sam hates feeling unwell, but will not take medication of any kind. 

Sam has Autism, he believes that nothing works so what is the point. 

so I decide to try a new tactic, and ran a bath full of healing essential oils, for his nausea and headache. 

I tell him the bath will help him feel better. Sam doesn’t want a bath though, even if it means that getting into it might make him feel better, he still won’t do it. 

‘You can lead a Sam to healing water, but you can’t make him get in it.’

My final thought on the subject came today when I finally came out, after 40 years, as being a child sex abuse survivor to my family. 

Nobody wants to believe it, denial is rife, you can lead the people to the truth, but you can’t make them believe it.  

Be your own truth, people don’t always see what is staring them in the face.

You are not responsible for what other people believe. 

A Penny For The Guy, Lost Traditions and Blogging

the view from the joint.

I had already scheduled my daily blog, when out of the night sky a new blog formed. 

I am currently sat in the joint at the top of the garden, it has no heat or lighting yet, but I have my hot water bottles in hand, and my hat, coat and scarf covering the rest of me.

I had forgotten it was guy Fawkes night until I started hearing the fireworks going off all around me. 

I no longer have to suffer the yearly bonfire nights when the children were small, even though I hated them, my children having fun was more important to me, so I suffered in silence. 

Tonight, after 30 years of bonfire nights, I can finally hang my retirement cap up, and watch them from the comfort of my rocking chair. At a safe enough distance, that the bangs don’t jolt my spirit out of my body. 

Fireworks are so pretty to look at, but the accompanying bangs are just too much for someone with sensory processing disorder to cope with. 

Noise cancelling headphones work up to a point, but I can actually feel the vibration right throughout my entire body, it is an extremely unpleasant feeling. 

Tonight I need not worry, I can hear the bangs from a safe enough distance that it doesn’t actually hurt, and I can see the pretty fireworks too. 

Bonfire night was a big deal when we were children. 

Halloween was barely mentioned, but the week leading up to guy Fawkes was magical. We would make an effigy of Guy Fawkes, the Guy behind it all, the one who allegedly betrayed his country, and committed treason with his failed gunpowder plot.

We would use our parents old clothes, stuffed with our mothers old laddered tights, odd socks, newspapers, and anything we could lay our hands on to make a convincing Guy.

We would steal a turnip from the farmers fields for the head, and we would carve the turnip, the same way we do pumpkins now. 

Only a turnip is one of the hardest vegetables on the planet, so this could take a while. Inside the carved turnip would be one of the candles that we always had in the house for emergencies, when the electricity went off. 

Then we would go around the neighbours houses with our ‘Guy’ in a wheelbarrow, and we would ask ‘A penny for the Guy ?’

Money was very tight in those days, you got a lot for a penny in those days. We would share the goodies out between us, then our guy would be placed on the top of the bonfire and set alight. 

We would put potatoes in the fire, covered in tin foil, and toast our bread, I had never even heard of a marshmallow in those days. 

There were no fireworks involved in my early Experiences of Bonfire night, but over the years I have watched while fireworks became readily available to all.

It is strange watching old traditions die out, and new ones forming. 

I wonder how many children waving sparklers in their hands right now, know the origins of why we celebrate this night in the UK ?

Enjoy your Guy Fawkes night, and stay safe, love Betty x