3 months ago I experienced what I can now call ‘the darkest nights of my soul.’
Having suffered Severe Depression for most of my life, and having several close calls with suicidal ideation, the inevitable happened. I finally came as close as I could do to death, without actually physically dying.
My soul was dead, in its place was only darkness. The blackest black you could ever imagine. There was just complete nothingness.. no feelings, no thoughts, no light. No reason left to live.
I cried out for help, luckily the Samaritans answered my cry.
They kept me going for a few days, until the strangest thing happened.
I’ve always known spirituality, and embraced it. even that had provided little comforting the darkness, until suddenly I was shown the ‘light’ at the end of the tunnel.
My Brother, who committed suicide 20 years ago, showed me the way, and as my eyes began to fully open, I found my reason for being here, my reason for living, and my true path.
I believe that this is my final spiritual journey. I believe that people who suffer from depression, are actually light workers, who are unaware of their purpose in life.
They don’t fit in, they feel as though their lives have no meaning. This is because they have lived so long in the grips of their depression, they do not know any other way to live.
These people are usually the kindest, most selfless people that you can meet.
You very rarely find selfish people suffering from depression, this is because they only look after number 1, therefore their path will be an easy one.
I have found that many people who suffer with depression, will usually have spent most of their lives putting others first.
So what would the world be like if the darkest night of the soul didn’t exist ?
It would be full of people who would never be able to truly see the light. Full of selfish people, who will never be able to put others first.
I believe that everything happens for a reason.
I found my way out of the darkness of depression, and into a brand new light, full of happiness, joy, and self love. It can be done, but only you can find the way.
My Healing thoughts go out to each and every one of you, who may have experienced ‘the darkest nights of the soul,’ it is the most painful experience imaginable, you wouldn’t wish it on your worst enemy.
But take a step back, and realise how strong you really are for even being alive, life is hard for us all, but for people who suffer from depression, it can be just too hard for one soul to cope with, on top of everyday demands.
I feel like the luckiest person alive, because I went through it, and have come out the other side, as a completely new person.
I may still have other severe mental health problems that will never go away, but the worst one of all is depression, I won’t be sorry that it has gone.
Look after yourself, if anybody reading this is going through severe depression right now, please feel free to message me, I always try to reply to as many people as I can.
One day my words may save a life..
Love Betty x