What The World Would be like if The Darkest Nights Of The Soul Didn’t Exist

3 months ago I experienced what I can now call ‘the darkest nights of my soul.’

Having suffered Severe Depression for most of my life, and having several close calls with suicidal ideation, the inevitable happened. I finally came as close as I could do to death, without actually physically dying. 

My soul was dead, in its place was only darkness. The blackest black you could ever imagine. There was just complete nothingness.. no feelings, no thoughts, no light. No reason left to live. 

I cried out for help, luckily the Samaritans answered my cry. 

They kept me going for a few days, until the strangest thing happened. 

I’ve always known spirituality, and embraced it. even that had provided little comforting the darkness, until suddenly I was shown the ‘light’ at the end of the tunnel. 

My Brother, who committed suicide 20 years ago, showed me the way, and as my eyes began to fully open, I found my reason for being here, my reason for living, and my true path. 

I believe that this is my final spiritual journey. I believe that people who suffer from depression, are actually light workers, who are unaware of their purpose in life. 

They don’t fit in, they feel as though their lives have no meaning. This is because they have lived so long  in the grips of their depression, they do not know any other way to live. 

These people are usually the kindest, most selfless people that you can meet. 

You very rarely find selfish people suffering from depression, this is because they only look after number 1, therefore their path will be an easy one. 

I have found that many people who suffer with depression, will usually have spent most of their lives putting others first. 

So what would the world be like if the darkest night of the soul didn’t exist ?

It would be full of people who would never be able to truly see the light. Full of selfish people, who will never be able to put others first.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. 

I found my way out of the darkness of depression, and into a brand new light, full of happiness, joy, and self love. It can be done, but only you can find the way. 

My Healing thoughts go out to each and every one of you, who may have experienced ‘the darkest nights of the soul,’ it is the most painful experience imaginable, you wouldn’t wish it on your worst enemy. 

But take a step back, and realise how strong you really are for even being alive, life is hard for us all, but for people who suffer from depression, it can be just too hard for one soul to cope with, on top of everyday demands.

I feel like the luckiest person alive, because I went through it, and have come out the other side, as a completely new person. 

I may still have other severe mental health problems that will never go away, but the worst one of all is depression, I won’t be sorry that it has gone. 

Look after yourself, if anybody reading this is going through severe depression right now, please feel free to message me, I always try to reply to as many people as I can. 

One day my words may save a life..

Love Betty x 

What Wikipedia Wont Tell You About UK Government Terrorism.

What Wikipedia Won’t tell you about, is how the UK Government uses a form of Terrorism on its most vulnerable citizens.

When we think of the word terrorism we tend to think of extremists, Bombs and 911.

The Google dictionary definition of the word terrorism is,” The unlawful use of violence and intimidation especially against civilians , in the pursuit of political aims.” 

What Wikepedia says :

I am being terrorised by my own government. 

By a company that is employed by my own government. 

Atos, is a private company that has been contracted by the UK government, to do medical assessments for citizens claiming disability benefits.

They are doing a great job for the government, saving them millions on benefits, and therefore tax payers moneys.

They are achieving this target because they are basically terrorising vulnerable people with mental health disorders, or other hidden disabilities into either committing suicide, or by taking their disability benefit off them if they can’t tick their boxes or perform their ‘Tricks’.

These boxes are not meant to be ticked. Atos do not want these boxes ticked, the government do not want these boxes ticked, Atos want to retain the contract with the government, and the Government want to save money ?  

A Win win situation for both the government and Atos, everybody is happy. 

Apart from the most vulnerable members of society that is. 

The people who rely on their Disability benefit to survive. People with Mental health problems , and other ‘invisible’ illnesses, have become an easy target for the government, as an easy way to save money. 

People with invisible illnesses such as I have, are having to convince Atos that we actually do have an illness. 

They ignore medical records, doctors advice, visible advice, basically any information they have about your illness. Then they have your benefits stopped because you are unable to tick their impossible boxes. They make the rules according to the government.

I have been trying to prove my disabilities to Atos for around 7 years now.

Atos don’t want to hear any evidence that proves you have a hidden disability. They just want to be able to stop your benefit, so that they can show good savings to the government, and keep their contract with them. it is a business deal.

The Government are aware that Atos are doing this, but when challenged say they can’t help, it is now in the hands of Atos. 

Three months ago at the ripe old age of 50 my life was no longer worth living, I realised that nobody actually believed what I was saying, I was never going to be able to survive without my benefit so what was the point. I had been fighting for too long. 

I had been suffering in silence for too long, and this was the final straw. 

After a disastrous face to face assessment, my mind finally broke once and for all.

I came very close to taking my own life, due to the harassment of these people, and the fact that I was never going to be able to tick their boxes, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to survive without financial assistance.

I am a single parent to an Autistic teenager, I am unable to work because of my disabilities, how else would I survive? This is not a choice that I have made, I have no choice in the matter, if I could choose, do you really think I would put my life at the mercy of other people ?

Tick all of our boxes, or we will cut off your financial life line. 

It is bullying tactics, pure and simple. These people, contracted by our Government, are terrorising vulnerable people who are their lowest point. 

Thankfully I managed to escape my near death experience, and decided to try to live again, but this time on my own terms. 

For 50 years, I have been let down by a society who say they care.

I don’t blame society because they don’t know any better. This is a problem I have decided to tackle, to help make people more kinder to one another.

Although I have every right to feel let down by a Society that has allowed unthinkable things to happen to me, as a child, and the all through my adult life. I still feel that things can be done.

Slowly I am trying to rebuild my life from the Bricks that society has thrown at me.

But apparently Society hasn’t finished with me quite yet, they want to kill me again because they didn’t succeed the last time.

Atos have now decided that, although they couldn’t possibly have an more information that they have right now, even the fact that I nearly committed suicide less than 12 weeks ago, and could unintentionally be a danger to any persons I perceive to be a threat, is still not good enough, and I require a further face to face assessment, 12 weeks after my previous one.

I am being Terrorised because of the hidden disabilities I have, that were caused by the very same society that has terrorised me all of my life.

Terrorism comes in many shapes and forms, I am speaking up for all of those people that our government has let down, and are still letting down, and who cannot speak up for themselves.

What kind of society are we ? where we allow our most vulnerable to be Terrorised in their own homes.

Where our Government endorses this Terrorism just to save money.

If they hadn’t spent so much on Brexit then maybe I would have been allowed to keep my benefits, but the money has to come from somewhere, and it isn’t always coming from where you think.

Stand up and be counted…because,

Every Mind Matters love Betty x

How not Knowing The Importance of Boundaries Makes You a Rookie.

Today I decided to once and for all, set my personal boundaries.

The neighbours probably thought I was nuts. Standing outside drawing a circle in the soil with a stick.

And then, standing there talking to myself. 

They are probably used to it by now, I do strange things like that frequently.

Recently I have been using colour cards on my spiritual path, and today’s card was the colour Brown. 

I always try to wear something of the colour chosen each day, and then take the advice that the cards give. 

The colour brown indicates the Earth.

Dirt.

And the card explained that I needed to work on my boundaries. 

For 50 years I have had very few boundaries which has in turn, led to me having extremely poor mental health. 

Leaving yourself wide open with no clear personal boundaries is a recipe for disaster.

It has taken me many years to understand the importance of clear boundaries. 

If you do not respect yourself enough, people will take advantage of those unclear boundaries, and you will find yourself running around like a headless chicken, trying to please everybody but yourself. 

It’s easier than I thought it would be. 

Once you get over the fact that you aren’t being selfish, things start to fall into place. 

You are not being selfish by needing to do what makes you happy, it is your birth right. Practice saying no, do it in front of a mirror if you have to. If like me you are a people pleaser, you will find this difficult to do at first, because it goes against that groove that you have been carving for yourself over the years. 

Carve yourself a new groove 

A self love groove, surrounded by boundaries.

Today as I stood inside the muck circle that I had drawn around myself, I set down my new boundaries, I will only allow myself to be treated with the same love, respect, and kindness, that I show to others.

I will treat myself with the same love, respect and kindness that I show to others.

I will say No if my boundaries are not adhered to.

Check your Boundaries today.

let people know your Boundaries, then it is up to them if they want to listen or not.

You can not be responsible for what other people do, only for what you do for yourself.

Carving clear strong and firm Boundaries into your life is a recipe for success.

love Betty x

Why Cannabis and Spirituality Will Change Your life.

A few months ago my life almost ended. I was suicidal, and close to the edge.

I started using cannabis to control my mental health issues, and 

suddenly I found myself on a completely different journey.

My own Spiritual Path. 

Gone were my demons, and in their place were spiritual helpers.

I have always been spiritual, but had become so bogged down in my depression and anxiety that I could not find my way home.

Cannabis has allowed me to relax, to release my demons. It has allowed me to calm my mind. It has allowed me to be able to meditate for the first time since I was a small child, when I used to do it without even knowing that this is what I was doing, or the reasons behind it.

Meditation has allowed me to find myself again, and to be at peace for the first time in my life.

Cannabis and spirituality combined have been my ticket to happiness. 

I am so pleased that I finally got the golden ticket.

Im like a kid in a sweet shop, and I have never been happier.. love Betty x