#humour – WELCOME TO MY INNER SANCTUARY

Breaking News ‘Blogging Betty Found Safe and Well

Blogging Betty has been found safe and well, in amongst the tangled life of Betty’s bunch.

She seems to be suffering from amnesia, and has no idea of her wherabouts for the entire month that she has been missing.

‘It’s all a blur,’ says blogging Betty, who looks well enough sitting in the joint at the top of the garden.

“One minute I was blogging away, making friends and building up my blog following, when bam I woke up, and weeks have passed.

Nothing has been done, karensjointatthetopofthegarden.com remains dormant. I love that the house seems much tidier and festive now,than before I left.

And there’s lots of home made food lying around.

Everybody looks happy..

I only wish that someone had remembered to press publish on my blogs. It’s not much to ask for” she added.

A spokesperson for Betty’s Bunch said ‘we’re just pleased that Blogging Betty is home. She’s a bit grumpy about the fact we forgot about her blogs, but other than that she seems fine”.

“It looks like the clean house won’t last now that Blogging Betty is back, she hates cleaning with a passion. She feels that she has much more important things to do in life than clean” said one member of the Bunch, who didn’t wish to be named for fear of repercussion.

“Blogging Betty’s idea of cleaning is to leave the vacuum plugged in indefinitely, so that if anybody visits she can say ‘oh you’ve just caught me about to vacuum’ (It’s the thought that counts.) Or she’ll hope that the fairies will do it at some point or another.

Blogging Betty is so passionate about writing, that nothing else gets done around the house, explain Betty’s Bunch.

We help out as much as we can, but she doesn’t accept help very easily, we’re working on it.

Blogging Betty is said to be resuming duties with immediate effect, and is now again the leader of the pack.

Blogging Betty would like to thank everybody for their patience whilst she has been missing in action. She thanks the Bunch for holding the fort whilst she was gone, and for baking enough food to feed an army.

She remains optimistic that her memory will return, and her blogging journey will continue on as before. “There’s a lot of work to catch up on, but i’m sure things will only get better”. ‘Don’t ever give up on finding yourself again, it’s always worth it.”

She and the Bunch would like some time to come to terms with the fact that their Triberr is broken. Time to rebuild the foundations that went into creating Triberr from scratch. Betty is sure that the knowledge is in her somewhere, it just may take some time to find it.

Urgent !! M.I.A Appeal Launched B.O.L.O.

Breaking news Blogging Betty is missing in action.

Betty’s Bunch have confirmed that Blogging Betty disappeared around 3 days ago and they haven’t seen her since.

Betty’s Bunch are the alters with whom she shares a body. They are said to be left devastated by the disappearance of Blogging Betty.

One of the Bunch, who didn’t wish to be identified, has released a statement saying ‘please come home Betty, were not angry with you, there are 4 unpublished blogs waiting for your return. Since you have been gone, we’ve all been sad. We miss you, life isn’t the same without you.’

A spokesperson for the family said ‘Blogging Betty is around 5ft with long blonde hair, with blue eyes.

Will look very similar to the photograph shown, but with a bigger backside a few more wrinkles, and a lot more clothes.

If spotted please contact Betty at the jointatthetopofthegarden.

Your vigilance is much appreciated.

How To Finally Get That Long Awaited Erection.

How To Finally Get that Long Awaited Erection

It is finally here, the day that I have been waiting for for 3 months, the erection of ‘The Joint’ at the top of the garden.

It is definitely here, it is on the back of the van, and they are unloading as I speak, I am sitting here ready and eager to supervise this long awaited erection.

The builder teas are on the table, it is that strong you can stand the spoon up in it, and there are plenty of biscuits to keep sugar levels up.

I have severe mental health difficulties that prevent me from leaving the house, so my life tends to be focused more now on what makes me happy.

My new summerhouse will be the icing on the cake, my very own She Shed, The Joint at the top of the Garden.

3 months ago I had a vision, I would retire from a life that I could no longer sustain in the outside world, and live happily ever after at ‘The Joint’ at the top of the garden. There I would be able to meditate, write, paint, and be at one with nature, and myself.

Here I could not only heal myself, I could heal others with my words.

Just because the temporary accommodation was only a 6ft shed full of spades and tools this hasn’t stopped me from healing myself, or from healing others, I have just been cold and wet doing it.

Being a single parent to an Autistic Teen, who also has Tourette’s Syndrome, can be quite hectic and noisy, trying to meditate in these circumstances can be difficult, with my new She Shed I will be able to meditate in silence, with only the sounds of nature all around me.

Darren & Michael have been hard at it, I’m sure the Ham wraps, crisps and chocolate have helped somewhat.

My Erection is almost fully complete.

And it’s up.. I finally have my erection thanks to these two handsome chaps, Darren and Michael, they did an amazing job and I couldn’t be happier. Their Boss on the other hand is a different story, but I shall save that for my review of this beautiful piece of woodwork.

The smell inside is delicious, it reminds me of an Alpine lodge, I feel like Heidi, and I can’t wait for the snow to arrive.

But think even older that that.. Heidi is now 50, she’s a grandma herself. And she has finally found her retirement home.

Now for the interior design , kizzy seems to like it too.

i’m not sure if she likes the joint, or wants the chocolate ?

To obtain the best possible erection, keep your erectors happy with tea and biscuits, encourage them to do a good job, and your erection will last for many years to come.

Happy erection day to me, love Heidi, Betty and the gang x

3 Facts About Erection That’ll Keep You Up at Night.

I have Autism, whether that fact is applicable to this situation, remains to be seen.

Today my blog was going to be about my new summerhouse, AKA The Joint at the top of the garden.

My new summerhouse is being erected today and I am over excited to the point that I haven’t been sleeping properly because of it.

I needed a catchy headline, because let’s face it, who cares if I’m having a summerhouse erected today, it isn’t exactly the hot topic of the century.

Well it is to me, I have saved hard to have my own little She Shed, and I simply just can’t wait to use it.

So using Portents Content Generator, I typed in the word erection, for a catchy title. Job done.

I then typed the word ‘erection’ into google images for a picture to accompany my title.

This is where I realised for the first time that even google has a filthy mind.

I really struggled to find any erection picture other than that of the male penis kind.

So although what I really wanted to do was to talk about my new She Shed, I find myself trawling through erect penis pictures, and thinking far too much about the male penis.

I have been single now for 10 years, and I have eyeballed more erect penises in the last 5 minutes, than I have in the last 10 years.

Cheers for that google, another restless night for me, thinking about Pricks again.

And for anybody who is actually interested in my new She Shed, I shall keep you all updated, when the two Dicks who are busy erecting it, get done.

New note.. sadly I lost my erection on Monday, a new erection date has been now been confirmed for Friday, so tune in folks for my long awaited erection ..love Betty x