How To Blog Whilst Walking The Fine Line Between Sanity & Insanity

moonlight through the trees

The view from karensjointatthetopofthegarden.com

Many of you may wonder why my website address has the name Karen in it. 

Many moons ago I was once known as Karen. After a huge mental health crisis which almost took my life, a new name change came about. 

I was no longer Barren Karen, and I morphed overnight into Blogging Betty. 

Unfortunately before the morph took place, our website had already been established. 

Changing the name of a domain etc is just not worth the hassle, so in loving memory of our dearly departed Karen, the name will stay. 

As most of you are aware I have severe mental illnesses, and spend a lot of time healing my fractured mind, by doing any kind of therapy that I can think of.

baking therapy…one of my many therapies. galaxy chocolate chunk cookies with ice cold milk for dunking.

I am currently sitting in the joint at the top of the garden doing some of my other therapies.

I’ve got one hand on my MacBook and the other one is smoking a reefer. 

It’s dark and cold outside, but it’s so quiet, comfy and peaceful up here. I now have electricity and heat, which is a welcome bonus now that its way below zero, and the middle of December. The only sound I can hear is the odd hoot from a Tawny owl looking for his supper.

taken in my garden last week, the unique ice crystals on fallen leaves

I am sitting here meditating, trying to get out of my own way, so that I can blog tonight. 

I love Blogging. 

Yes I found it late in life, but better late than never, as my old grandad used to say. 

Unfortunately because I found it later in life, and because my mental health issues get in the way, I often find myself wondering if I will ever become a top blogger. 

I’ve been blogging now for around 6 months. In that 6 months I have learned a lot. Not only about blogging, but about myself. 

Being on so many different journeys at once is amazing. 

A journey of self discovery,  a spiritual journey, healing from trauma, self acceptance journey, and my blogging journey all take up most of my time. 

Being an Autistic single parent at the ripe old age of 50, to a 15 year old son who also has Autism with severe Anxiety, and Tourette’s Syndrome, takes up a fair bit of my time too. 

Does this mean I don’t have the time to be a top Blogger ? 

How much time do you need to spend on your blog to be a top Blogger ? 

Since I started blogging I have been following a few top bloggers, but finally found my soul mate in Ryan Biddulph. 

He doesn’t know we’re soul mates, but I do and that’s all that counts. 

Apart from the fact he’s a very handsome chap, he gives out fantastic advice, and if I had more hours in the day I’m sure I would be a top earning blogger just like him by now. 

So as I sit here wondering where I can find the extra hours to follow Ryan Biddulph’s advice, I realise that I am already doing it. Because those of us who walk that fine line between sanity and insanity are juggling so many balls at once, the fact that every time they even publish a blog it’s a huge achievement. 

doesn’t mention that it helps with blogging, but ill try anything… my new daily multivitamin for over 50’s not sure whether to laugh or cry…

Little steps on this journey we call life. 

keep on keeping on… ‘All Bloggers Rock’ love Betty x

Winter Wonderings, Should Narcissistic People Have Children ?

a small stream prettily frozen over..

Winter is finally here, in the small village on the outskirts of Newcastle, where I live with my teenage son, and our two dogs Maggie and kizzy.

Every morning I walk my dogs along a country lane beside my home. 

Today was no different, apart from the fact that there had been a really hard frost through the night. 

Therefore I was able to take some wonderful shots of the natural beauty, on a cold and frosty morning. 

My mind wandered as it is want to do, to my daughter Danielle who is also a single parent to two wonderful little boys Ollie and Jaxon. 

Danielle has been struggling recently because of the narcissistic personality of her children’s father, and other selfish family members, who are not pulling their weight in the child rearing department. 

It takes a village to raise a child, so how come it’s ok to leave one person struggle to do it alone ? 

My grandchildren’s father has decided that he didn’t really want to be a father any more, and spends all of his spare time thinking of ways to make this a reality. 

He spends an inordinate amount of time googling ‘ways to avoid paying child support’ for the two children that he brought into the world, and the rest of his time finding excuses as to why he can’t see them.

Two beautiful little boys who are without a father figure in their life, all because their father is narcissistic.

If you knew how selfish your partner was before you had children with them, would you still do it ? 

Selfishness has come to play a huge part in society to the point that it is now seen as acceptable. 

Then you have the Narcissistic parents, who also decided that parenting wasn’t really for them, but they still continued with the farce, doing whatever makes them happy, at the expense of their own children’s happiness. 

Unfortunately Narcissistic people are producing damaged children the whole world over. Costing the tax payers millions in child support, alimony, and supplementing the finances that the narcissistic individual thinks they shouldn’t have to pay. and shirking the responsibilities that they no longer have time for.

Stretching the national health service to bursting point with the rise in mental health issues in children alone, not including the children who are still trying to heal well into adulthood, from having survived Narcissistic parenting skills.

So should Narcissistic people have children ?

Absolutely Not….

If you cannot love anybody more than yourself, parenting is not for you. Stay childless for everybody’s sake, especially the children’s.

Save a life today, do not procreate selfishly love Betty x

Life Really Does Begin At 50

I turned the grand old age of 50 in March this year. Thats half a century that I have been me.

The age of 50 didn’t get off to a very good start, and like most ages I have been, this one seemed no different. 

Same old shite, just a new year to deal with it. 

Little did I know what was to come. 

After burying trauma for over 40 years, the lid finally blew off. 

Spectacularly.

as if by magic, Maggie the springer spaniel gifted me the perfect image for this blog…

The shit finally hit the fan, and everybody ended up covered in it.

The Narcissistic parents were covered in it, the abusive family members got covered in it, and even the people who were never meant to get covered in it, also got covered in it. 

the culprit…

Because the nasty shit that had been poisoning me for over 40 years was back in its rightful place, with its owners, I am now as free as a bird. I am no longer carrying around a huge amount of poisoned shit, which leaves me free to live the life that I should have always had. 

A life free from the shit that abuse, guilt, and trauma can leave on a person indefinitely, especially if they aren’t aware that they are carrying it. 

Thankfully my eyes finally opened at the age of 50 and 3/4, after a near brush with death, ‘better late than never’ as my old grandad used to say.

My life truly has begun at the age of 50. I am so excited by my next path on this journey that we call life. 

You Can lead a Dog To Water but You Can’t Make it Drink

There’s an old saying that goes ‘You Can Lead a Horse to Water but you can’t make it drink.’

This has rang true throughout my week, so today I put it to the test. 

I don’t have a horse but I do have a dog. I led my dog to the water but I could not for the life of me, make her drink it

Yesterday my teenage son was feeling unwell, Sam hates feeling unwell, but will not take medication of any kind. 

Sam has Autism, he believes that nothing works so what is the point. 

so I decide to try a new tactic, and ran a bath full of healing essential oils, for his nausea and headache. 

I tell him the bath will help him feel better. Sam doesn’t want a bath though, even if it means that getting into it might make him feel better, he still won’t do it. 

‘You can lead a Sam to healing water, but you can’t make him get in it.’

My final thought on the subject came today when I finally came out, after 40 years, as being a child sex abuse survivor to my family. 

Nobody wants to believe it, denial is rife, you can lead the people to the truth, but you can’t make them believe it.  

Be your own truth, people don’t always see what is staring them in the face.

You are not responsible for what other people believe. 

It’s Been A Funny Old Day With Corned Beef And Cannabis

Today has been a funny old day.

Isn’t it strange how one small event can set off a chain reaction, and change the whole course of your day. 

Today I decided to bake a pie, I love baking, and recently even started enjoying eating it too. 

So I take the corned beef out of the cupboard and immediately my mind turns to ‘why the hell does corned beef still come in the most dangerous contraption known to mankind?’

We are heading into the year 2020, cars can drive themselves, living on another planet now seems feasible, so why in gods name does corned beef still arrive packaged like this ? 

It is the only tinned food that I have come across that requires risking life and limb, just by opening it. 

If the key is missing, you may as-well throw the damn thing out, rather than trying to use a tin opener. Tin openers do not work with corned beef tins, this is why they provide the key. No key =no corned beef.

Luckily this week my keys were all intact, and I only sliced my finger once on the jagged edges doing so. 

Then I thought ‘I wonder if people even know the dangers of corned beef tins ?’ and should I tell them?

You can’t really blog about corned beef tins can you ? 

This was the moment that my thoughts turned into another blog. 

A recipe blog, so I then began taking pictures of each step of my pie making, on the off chance that somebody might actually want to know how to make a corned beef and potato pie.

So here it is 2 tins of corned beef (check the key and watch your fingers). 

About 6 large potatoes cooked til soft.

Half an onion finely diced and boiled. 

Give it a good mash, pretend it’s the person who invented corned beef tins.

Rough puff pastry, bought or homemade either is good. 

This is when things took another strange turn. I always decorate my pies. I began to think of what decor my pie would have today, when the old nursery rhyme ‘Sing a song of sixpence’ came into my head.

Whilst I’m internally singing along “4 and 20 blackbirds baked in a pie,When the pie was opened the birds began to sing, wasn’t that a dainty dish to put before the king”

Suddenly My brain went Ting and there was my 420 wake and Bake gratitude pie, and my blog became something different again.

I gave up on sharing my recipe,  all you need to do next is stick it in the oven for 35 minutes and the pie cooks itself. 

Upon gathering my thoughts at the end of the day, I find the 5 things that I am most grateful for in my life today. 

My gratitude for being able to live another day on this earth, and the 4 cannabis joints that have helped me to enjoy it. 

Although there is no cannabis in my pie,  there is enough of it in me to save the day. 

A slice of gratitude pie for corned beef, cannabis and happiness..

You can have your pie and eat it. 

Not A Book Nor A Blog, A NABNAB, The Next Chapter.

 

Today I decided to write neither a book nor a blog. 

But what should the title be ? It’s not going to be a book, because I have a personality that won’t allow it. It’s not going to be a blog because Blogging Betty has buggered off somewhere, so what is it ? 

Until a better name for it comes along, a NABNAB is what it is.

A NABNAB

The Next Chapter

Once upon a time long long ago, before you and I even existed,  lived a tiny ball of energy called Betty. 

Betty was a happy little ball of energy, living peacefully side by side with the Trillions of other little balls of energy that existed, before time as we knew it began. 

One day Betty was called upon to choose her path, she was so excited.

Betty knew she was special, just like every other little ball of energy, but she knew she was much stronger than some, so she chose the path of most resistance. 

One day Betty’s and all of the other little balls of energy’s lives changed forever, when a huge bang scattered the energy balls far and wide, to all corners of the globe.

 All of the little energy balls now had a new purpose, in sustaining human life forms.

Energy ball Betty bounced through many many different life forms for millions of years, as energy cannot die, it must always continue on.

Although energy cannot die, it can however become seriously depleted. 

And after millions of years of bouncing, Betty became much less bouncy and her energy was seriously depleted.

Most humans had started believing that it was they who were in charge, and even talk of energy balls were rare. 

Because of what was happening in the world, and because of the human host she had, Betty Awoke one day to find her energy had almost completely gone. She was lost in a dark place and couldn’t find her way out. 

It was then, in the darkest night of the soul, that she was shown the truth. Her truth, who she truly was, and what her final purpose in this life was. 

She remembers being placed into a newborn infant, who’s energy was not strong enough to sustain life, an infant who would face so many life challenges from birth that It would need a special kind of energy to survive the traumas that it would endure in its lifetime. 

All energy has memory, Betty has many millions of memories stored away deep inside.

Once Betty’s host became aware about how important Betty actually was, Betty began running on full power again. Much to the delight of her host. 

Betty is once again a happy little ball of energy., as good as new. All she needed was a bit of TLC, a chance to recharge, daily energy checks and a full MOT.

It suddenly dawned on Betty, that humans were failing to remember how important their energy was, and that the answers to all of their questions lie within themselves.

All energy knows exactly where it should be, positive energy attracts more positive energy, and negative energy attracts more negative energy.

Those energies whose lights were being dimmed by their interaction with negative energies, were failing to remember who they were. They began to yearn for home, even though they were home, a feeling that something wasn’t quite right with the world, then dis-ease crept in.

Betty knew it was her destiny to light up the world, so she decided to use her host as a tool, to share her knowledge, and help to heal a world full of dis-ease.

Unfortunately Betty’s host has severe mental health illnesses, so she doesn’t always get the chance to shine brightly in a world full of darkness.

Now that Betty is back on form, who knows where life will now take her host. 

Urgent !! M.I.A Appeal Launched B.O.L.O.

Breaking news Blogging Betty is missing in action. 

Betty’s Bunch have confirmed that Blogging Betty disappeared around 3 days ago and they haven’t seen her since. 

Betty’s Bunch are the alters with whom she shares a body. They are said to be left devastated by the disappearance of Blogging Betty. 

One of the Bunch, who didn’t wish to be identified, has released a statement saying ‘please come home Betty, were not angry with you, there are 4 unpublished blogs waiting for your return. Since you have been gone, we’ve all been sad. We miss you, life isn’t the same without you.’ 

A spokesperson for the family said ‘Blogging Betty is around 5ft with long blonde hair, with blue eyes.

Will look very similar to the photograph shown, but with a bigger backside a few more wrinkles, and a lot more clothes.

If spotted please contact Betty at the jointatthetopofthegarden.

Your vigilance is much appreciated.

The Benefits of Private Over NHS Mental Health Care In The UK.

Last week I made the decision to pay for private psychiatric help. 

I don’t have a great deal of money, being a single parent on disability isn’t exactly living the life of the rich and famous. 

Most of my pennies are spoken for weekly, and with the rising cost of living today, our money doesn’t go very far.

I decided that my mental health had  reached a point that intervention was needed, and I contacted my local mental health crisis team. 

This was 4 months ago, and I am still waiting for urgent help. 

Having paid into the NHS all of my life, I am at the end of a very long line of other people just like me, waiting for the same thing.

The NHS mental health service has broken, it has become so stretched that it has finally snapped under the strain. A number of NHS and other psychiatrists have set up a private clinic in an effort to take the strain, and provide the much needed mental health support, at a price.

I’m not quite sure how I came across this website but it had me intrigued. For only £350 I could have an hour consultation, a diagnosis and treatment plan, all recognised by the NHS, and within a few days. 

After a long and informative chat with the customer helpline, I actually booked an appointment, and waited patiently for the next 4 days until it arrived.

My appointment was on a secure weblink via a patients portal online, you are given a password to enter your virtual room, where you will meet your chosen psychiatrist.

That night although my anxiety was through the roof, I sat comfortably on my bed, with my PJ’s on, and up popped the psychiatrist on my MacBook screen. 

This is a novelty for a 50 year old recluse, who didn’t even own a computer a few months ago. 

I felt so comfortable, at ease, and the doctor was fantastic, Dr Axelby was my choice, she was professional, understanding, compassionate and put me at great ease. 

Our 50 minute appointment turned into nearly 90 minutes at no extra cost to myself, and I was given a diagnosis of Complex PTSD. 

I have been under psychiatric services since early childhood with no diagnosis, it has only taken £350,  1 doctor, and 90 minutes to finally give me the help that I’ve been asking for for over 40 years. 

Our mental health is just as important as our physical health. You cannot put a price on happiness.

So who benefits from this innovative idea ?

A. The Psychiatrist, she gets the chance to help people and earn an income at the same time.

B. The National Health Service, who are buckling under so much pressure from mental health related illnesses.

And last but by no means least..

C. The patient, Me, I may be lighter in pocket, but I am also much lighter in my mind and spirit. I have answers to some of the questions that I have been asking all of my life.

How much would you be willing to pay for Happiness ?

I consider it money well spent.

Poor Mental Health can be a Killer.. why not take care of yours today.

love Betty x

3 BS Facts About Cannabis and Mental Health Everyone Thinks Are True

This may be a longer post than normal as I tend to become very passionate about certain issues that affect me. You might need to get yourself a coffee if you want to read it to the end.

Cannabis can cause mental health disorders.

Is this a proven fact ? Would these people have developed mental health disorders if they hadn’t used cannabis ? If somebody can actually prove that these mental health disorders would never have developed if the person hadn’t used cannabis, then that would make it a fact. 

Fiction is when a mere opinion that cannabis can cause mental health disorders is voiced. 

Everybody is entitled to an opinion so I always listen to the opinions of others on this subject. 

I have Autism, I like to deal in cold hard facts, when dealing with something as important as the effects of cannabis on my mental health. 

Seeing as I have some of the most severe mental health disorders there are, including complex PTSD, Personality Disorder, severe depression with suicidal ideation, and acute Anxiety, I do like to keep myself up to date on topics concerning mental health.

Since embarking on my journey using Cannabis as a medication to treat my mental health problems, my ears tend to prick up when I hear both topics mentioned in the same sentence.

Everywhere I go I seem to be hearing that cannabis is dangerous for your mental health. 

I watched a YouTube video yesterday  where even Dr Phil was riding along on the curse cannabis train. 

On his video was a young boy who had anger issues, he was smashing up the house, threatening his mom with a knife, and apparrantly all because he was using cannabis. I switched off at this point when I saw that more BS was to follow.

When I was a young girl I was exactly the same. I was angry all of the time, I was in trouble with the police, I was violent, playing truant from school, running away from home, and threatening my mom, and guess what ? I had never even heard of cannabis. 

I grew up in the 70’s, in a tiny village in Newcastle in the UK.

I suffered a lifetime of abuse and trauma without Cannabis, I developed so many mental health disorders over the last 50 years, and guess what ?  All without the use of cannabis. 

I had lived a very unhappy life until I actually found Cannabis.

After a mental health crisis that almost ended my life, cannabis and myself found each other, and I discovered a Miracle.

Cannabis has been my ‘Miracle cure’ for my poor mental health. 

Since starting to use cannabis daily as part of my medication regime, I also take my prescribed antidepressants, I have found myself.

I have found happiness in my life for the first time ever. After 40 years of trying every medication, therapy, and advice known to man. I have finally found something that helps.

Cannabis isn’t going to kill me, although the tobacco might, I’m a non -smoker apart from my one cannabis joint, 2 or 3 times per day.

I like to live as healthily as possible, I rarely take medication apart from my antidepressants. I do not drink alcohol, alcohol is a depressant and when mixed with a depressive personality, it brings out the worst in us. 

I have never touched an illicit drug in my life, and I have always been careful about what chemicals I put into my body. 

I have requested medicinal cannabis from my GP and psychiatrist, and it is always denied. 

There is no scientific proof that cannabis helps those with mental health problems, is the general reply.

I am walking living proof that it does, so why am I, and every other walking, talking, living proof miracles being ignored ?

why are we being refused a medication that is now perfectly legal to prescribe ? 

And Therein lies the answer to the question.

For a few months now I have been wondering why more and more people have started to say that cannabis is dangerous for our mental health. Why won’t GP’s legally prescribe a drug that they can actually see helping their patient ? 

Mental health is big business now in the UK. The amount of people with mental health issues is on the rise, child mental health has seen a nearly 50 % increase in the last few years. 

My teenage son has severe mental health issues and has never been anywhere near a cannabis plant. 

More and more children are being medicated for adhd, anxiety, depression, and numerous other medications are given out daily without a thought. Some of these have very serious side effects, and we are giving them to our children. The pharmaceutical business is Booming.

Cannabis has been around forever, it is a natural plant. It grows in the soil. it is not made in a laboratory, it is totally natural. It has been used for thousands of years.

I remember years ago when the drug style of choice was glue sniffing. Although I never tried it, I was often around people that did. 

People died from glue sniffing, or aerosol sniffing, and not one of those products were ever made illegal, why ?

Eventually Age restrictions were put in place, so that you needed to wait until you were 16 before you could sniff glue or aerosols. 

I have always been against drugs of any kind, until I ignored advice from professionals, and tried cannabis.

All drugs have risks, I have weighed up the pros and cons of my smoking cannabis, against every other medication available for my needs. 

My conclusion has been that this is the least harmful drug around. 

It can cause weight gain, as cannabis increases the appetite, but for me this actually helps with my eating disorders. My responses and reaction times are much slower when using cannabis, and I have given up driving because of this. 

Slowing down my body is good for me, as I can be manic when not using cannabis. 

My brain is slowed down enough that I can keep up with my own thoughts and feelings. 

Living in a constant state of Anxiety is more dangerous than using cannabis, being suicidal is more dangerous than smoking Cannabis.

When anybody asks me what proof I have that cannabis works in a positive way on mental health, I reply, that since taking cannabis I have found true happiness, I have been able to love myself, It has reduce my anxiety levels to zero, it has enabled me to take control of my own mental health, so that I in turn, can help others around me. And last, but by no means least, I no longer want to die. I want to live again. 

I very much doubt that my mental health could get any darker than it was before I met cannabis. 

Cannabis has shown me the light, at the end of a very long dark tunnel. 

Fact 1 ..cannabis causes mental health problems …BULLSHIT !

Fact 2 ..cannabis is dangerous ..BULLSHIT !!

Fact 3 cannabis is a gateway drug .. BULLSHIT !!!

All opinions are my own.

Please speak to your own GP before trying cannabis, there may be contraindications with other prescribed drugs you may be taking. 

Like any new drug, take note of any side effects as they occur. Cannabis can sometimes cause paranoia, if this occurs stop using and try a different strain. 

Do your own research into whether this could be a suitable drug for you.

You may be surprised by what you find.

take care of yourself first, love Betty x

What’s In It For You ?

Like any wannabe successful blogger I want to be successful. 

Success is relative, in my mind I am already a successful blogger because I now have 30 people following my blog on my WordPress site, and around 800 people following my Facebook page. This to me is success, after only 4 months of blogging from scratch, I actually feel like a blogger .

Just because We don’t have hundreds of thousands of followers, or that We’re not making any revenue from blogging doesn’t make us any less of a successful blogger in our own right.

 Most bloggers want to be able to reach as many people as they can with their words, and so begins the drive to create an even bigger audience.

I work daily at trying to grow my blog audience, because I believe that people could actually benefit from what I have to share. 

I am not trying to sell you fake sunglasses, or sign you up for a time share. 

My blog is purely to help, to help me and to help my readers.

So why should you follow my blog ? What’s in it for you ?

Whats in it for you, is what you take away from it. Inspiration, a different perspective on life, insider information about topics that most people have little or no understanding of. You might find humour or empathy in my blogs, you might find spiritual healing, or you might just find something interesting in my stories. 

Having had 50 years of living a life that most people wouldn’t believe was actually possible. I have a vast knowledge of many things, and a differently wired Brain that has processed it all.

My blogs have no niche as such, there is something in them for everyone.

In return I get the inner peace and happiness from knowing I have touched another spirit from my soul tribe.

Today I decided that I would share my daily oracle advice with my readers.

I use oracle cards on my spiritual journey, these cards give individual spiritual advice to the reader on their spiritual path. 

Today I will share my individual advice given from a different energy plane. 

I have never done this before but feel that some of my readers might too benefit as I do from this advice. 

If it works for me then why shouldn’t it work for you.?

This card is telling us that we are all our very own oracle. Everybody is capable of tapping into their own sixth sense, and following their own inner guide.

Your sixth sense may be something that you are unaware of. 

But just because you are not aware of it, this does not mean that it isn’t there. 

This card is saying that we need to focus on raising our vibrations to connect with our sixth sense. 

You already have all of life’s great answers inside of you. All you need is the belief in yourself and an ability to rise your energy vibrations to find these answers.  

You are the oracle, do not look for guidance outside, for you hold all of the wisdom in the entire universe, in every cell of your body. Do not see the angels and guides as above you, but beside you, without you they have no way of communicating, you are the rainbow bridge.

So maybe ‘what is in it for you’ today is only a tiny seed planted in your mind, that continues to grow until you finally become that rainbow bridge too. 

If like me you are already there, say hi, I would love to connect.

Kindness finds kindness eventually, I look forward to connecting with you all love Betty x